Self love isn’t all bubble baths and face masks…
I don’t think it’s much of a secret that I associate 2018 with a fair amount of hardship, challenge and struggle … but it also brought along time for reflection, growth and taking a step back to get back in touch with the very introspective side of my self. I am genuinely looking forward to a new year, a new chapter, new start and a new fresh page to scribble down all the adventure 2019 holds. But the biggest lesson I’m taking into 2019 is that it’s not the future we need to focus on…. it’s the present that awaits.
So hello friends,
It is now the end of the first week of January. I do hope everyone had a great New Years Eve and a great start to the new year and if you are living your “new year, new me fantasy” then good for you but if you are like most of us and feel like the “New Year, New Me” is basically a giant societal paradox, then hello, welcome!
Seriously though, every year we love to dress our selves in new workout clothes, begin our new gym memberships, try that organic diet and just knock the new year outa the park!! … Well for the first week, two weeks if your lucky …but without changing our beliefs and habits by dealing with our inner demons and acknowledging our selves from the inside out these new habits and resolutions are doomed to fail. You cant change your habits without changing the beliefs that created the habit in the first place.
Self love has been pandered to us as this beautiful light hearted thing we can do for ourselves; a new pretty mug, a self affirmation in the morning, and of course all the bubble baths and face masks your heart desires.
But just because you can hide your tears in the bath water doesn’t mean the tears aren’t there.
This last month and a half I have really been forced to dive deep into the act of self love. And I can honestly say that the act of self love has been the hardest dam thing I’ve ever had to face ; A true war between me and the devil on my shoulder.
So if you are really ready to love your self, forget the bubble baths, its time to look within, find the dark, find the ugly and face it dead on .
With any large project my best advice is to just start. Even if you don’t know your end goal or you are scared, just take one step at a time and go at your own pace.
Now let me share with you my 3 Step Process to Begin the Journey of Self Love.
Give yourself time to marinate in whatever feelings you are experiencing. Of course meditating and journaling are great but even mundane tasks can have a similar effect. I love doing mundane tasks like doing the dishes to let my mind wander free. I find this is when I learn the most about myself on a subconscious level. I like to ask myself tougher questions and let my mind sit on the question for a while. I find I will often have a gut instinct to what I am wondering about but the extra time I give myself allows me to discover the meaning behind my immediate answer and can bring new insight.
As much as I love looking within, my very strong analytical side would just like to know a very concrete answer and, as humans the unknown generally stresses us so for me I found it incredibly comforting reading different psychology studies and books; psychology of love, attachment, and self discovery but any type of research on the topic you are wondering about is excellent and often the idea of fact will over power any distorted thinking you have or at least help make sense of it.
Now you have reflected, learned about yourself, and even if you don’t want to believe it at this point with enough reflection you should know what you have to do in this next step of your journey. It may not easy, it may not be fun but now is the time to clear the space in your mind being taken over by worry, conflict, pain etc! Clearing what is comfortable is even harder but please know how integral this part is for your inner peace.
You have to cut cords. This has been the hardest step for me by far. But cutting cords with any toxic relationships you have, anything that doesn’t bring you peace, that you aren’t growing from is essential. That doesn’t just mean getting rid of it and cowardly walking away but tackling these things head on, dealing with the issues, having the tough conversations, and then if you’ve decided it no longer serves you, walking away with peace and gentleness for yourself and the situation or person.
When you remove what no longer serves you, you think you will feel so light and happy etc etc but truthfully it can be scary as hell. You are now so far from your comfort zone and you may feel like everything is different and you aren’t even the same person… and everything you knew is not and that’s okay. It is a terrifyingly beautiful feeling. But this is the moment that the universe really starts to work its magic. The perfect time to manifest. You have now cleared so much space for the new and wonderful to come in. You can now create what you wish to fill that space.
If you have made it this far in the process then you truly are ready to love yourself and show yourself just how much. This is the time to focus on you. That can mean so many things and personally I think it is such an overused statement I just want to roll my eyes… but for me it just means going back to basics and nurturing your inner child. Lets start here; Feeding yourself good healthy food, putting your self to bed on time, moving your body, nurturing your relationships and yes… you can take a dam bubble bath 😉
Happy New Years